oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
