You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
