I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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