Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
