Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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