Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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