My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
