I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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