apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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