I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
