sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
