I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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