worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
