Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
COCAINE IS GR8
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
