if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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