I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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