I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
