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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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