Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
