True but thats because hes a fetus.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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