She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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