I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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