how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize