I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
