I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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