So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
