no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
