i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
