so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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