I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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