Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
