Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
