it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
