I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
