its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
