I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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