Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
