They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
