Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
