I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
