I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
