Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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