bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
