i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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