she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
