I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
