so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize