Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
