how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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