He is such a slut. More and more my type.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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