Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I just sharted jello shots
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
