Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
