Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
