I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
