Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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