so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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