There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
