i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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