I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
