It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
