i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize