So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
