What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
