wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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