If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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