either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
