We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
