I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
