just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
