I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
