Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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