its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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