OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
