The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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