I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
