Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
