I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
