Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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